This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
Dear Sir and Madam,
I am a long standing Indian citizen who works as a professor in the Gujarat University, Gujarat, India. I am writing this to apply for a job at Hindi language teacher, what you are looking for Your chids.
The foremost reason of applying for a job is I have done PHD in Hinda literature successfully from the reputed Giujarat Univerity of India. Besides this I am teaching the Hindi language professionally since last 15 years. I have a wide experience of teaching among different institutions and from the children to younger one. Considering all these factors I feel that I am a suitable candidate for this job.
Moreover, I can also teach the Hindi language to other family member if required so I can make you all aware about Indian culture and its traditions, as I have a vast knowledge of all that too. As I already have so many years in my home country India, now I want to migrate to different nations of the world so I can learn about the people, their culture and traditions, I will also provide me the opportunity to gain knowledge and some invaluable experiences. I strongly feel that coming to Australia could be great opportunity for me. In anticipation waiting for your positive response at earliest.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This is a quite formal letter of application, but the tone is consistent throughout and all three bullet points are addressed, extended and supported. Information is logically organised and there is a clear progression throughout the answer. Cohesive devices are used and paragraphing is appropriate. The range of vocabulary is sufficient to show some less common items (long standing citizen invaluable] and collocations (wide experience | suitable candidate | vast knowledge great opportunity), although there are occasional errors (Gujarat / Gujarat | at / as chids / children or kids Hinda / Hindu | family member(s)|/ will / It will faithfull / faithfully]. Similarly, the grammatical range is wide enough to demonstrate a variety of complex structures, used with a good level of accuracy. There are occasional errors in the use of articles and tenses, but the majority of sentences are error-free.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
Technology nowadays is playing a major role in day-to-day life. It has made almost all activities very much easier. It has given us many benefits. One of the major benefits in today’s life is ‘Online Payment. Today, I am going to highlight the positives and negatives of the same.
When the E-commerce websites were launched, people were very much pleased with the option of paying online, but they consider bit risky then. Net-Banking was not that very common. People were not able to believe or put trust Therefore, they preferred Cash-On-Delivery. But when gradually time passed, people were comfortable with the Net-Banking option and they used it, without any fear. Then the concept of ‘E-wallet came which meant that the payments were made using the mobile phone apps. One such popular application now-a-days is Payim’. In this, you have to make your own account, and store some amount of money from Bank Account. This is like a wallet where you directly pay your day-to-day transactions using this. This is increasingly becoming common from a small shops to big transactions. Each and every people are aware with this, specially after the demonetisation, where the major concept was going cash less’.
People generally don’t see this as an disadvantage, unless and until the application is leaking same details of users, as is not registered or not reputed. So, we can say that 9 out of 10 people are agreed and comfortable excluding its negative element.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate covers all parts of the task, putting forward many of the advantages of using mobile phone apps to pay for purchases. The reference to disadvantages is rather brief, and the score might be improved by further discussion of these. Ideas and information are presented logically and there is a clear progression throughout the answer. Cohesive devices are used, including some reference [they used it in this This is like a wallet] and paragraphing is used adequately. The range of vocabulary is wide enough to show some less common items and collocations (a major role highlight | websites I paying online | risky transactions leaking registered with only occasional errors [from a small shops/shop specially / especially same / some reputed / reputable). The opening paragraph consists entirely of simple sentence structures, but the range broadens later to include more variety. The majority of structures are error-free, although occasional errors occur (they consider bit risky then/ they considered it to be a bit risky then People were not able to believe or put trust / People were not able to believe or put trust in it pay (for) your day-to-day transactions Each and every people are aware with this / Each and every person is aware of this / an / a disadvantage).