This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
Dear Sir or Madam
I saw an advert that said that people that want to do voluntary at this museum should contact you. That’s why I am writing this letter!
I would like to do voluntary work at your museum. I am keen on art and history, and especially I am keen on working with them. From what I kow, your museum is based on works of art that have fabulous history.
In the museum I could work as a guide. I already know some interesting information about the drawings that you have in the museum, but if there is something that I don’t know or something that needs improvement, I am opened to studying and developing my knowledge.
I really like working with other people and explaining things that they are interested in, and that is a good skill I guess for guiding.
I am free every Monday, Friday and Sunday from 3PM to 7PM.
I am waiting for your reply and I hope that you agree with my voluntary work
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The writer has made a fair attempt at the task, covering all three bullet points, with the second bullet point covered in more depth than the first and the third Organisation is logical and there is a clear overall progression, slightly spoiled by the lack of a closing formula (Yours faithfully). The range of vocabulary is sufficient for the task (advert | contact you keen on work as a guide drawings studying and developing my knowledge working with other people) and there are only minor errors [kow/know opened / open] There is a mix of simple and complex structures, generally used accurately, although there is a minor error in the lack of an article [have (a) fabulous history). The score could be improved by expanding on the first and third bullet points and by using a wider range of grammatical structures.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
In the modern world, it is argued that sleeping is not taking seriously as before. Some factors which influence this trend can be managed. This essay will discuss problems caused by lack of sleep and give possible solutions to avoid lack of sleep. It will outline the inefficiency of human beings 25 a result of lack of sleep and point at the importance to reducing work overload to sleep well as well as maintaining diet physical and mental health.
Lack of sleep can cause inefficiency in human beings which results in accidents. Fatigue and tiredness tend to overwhelm human beings when they lack sleeping the body requires enough rest and when this is not permitted it will shut down anytime. Overworking causes body to be sore. A body which is sore from overworking might not get enough from a sleep but requires treatment Accidents in roads and at work are sometimes a result of non sleeping people. When a body is sore performance is decreased It is advised to take enough sleep in order to perform duties swiftly. Accidents causes serious damage in human life there it is encouraged to take enough sleep to avoid mishaps.
It is now an individual call to be responsible in doing what is best to avoid consequences of net sleeping Reducing work overload is of the solution to combat fatigue. It is not advisable to work overload as this causes the body to be sore. Healthy eating according to dieticians provide remedies to human health. This greatly constitutes to the communications of mind and body and work for those who are consistent on the practice. Normal hours of working time per day and correct diet is essential in mainting a wonderful balance in sleep and work.
In conclusion sleeping is essential. Work overloads should be reduced and deiting as well as physical health are encouraged. Governments and stakeholders must pennalise those who work overwork themselves by more tax.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The writer addresses both parts of the task, presenting ideas and developing them. The writer’s viewpoint is clear throughout the text. Ideas are organised logically, there is a clear progression and each paragraph has a clear central topic. The range of vocabulary shows a number of less common items (fatigue overwhelm treatment performance | mishaps combat | dieticians remedies) although there are occasional errors in spelling (ineffeciency / inefficiency | mantaining / maintaining consequencies / consequences mainting / maintaining / deiting / dieting / pernalise / penalise) and word choice (constitutes / contributes]. The word (sore) is overused and there are occasional errors in the use of dependent prepositions e.g. (point at / out importance to / of]. There is a variety of complex structures used with good grammatical control. Occasional errors occur [is not taking (taken as) seriously (as) causes (the) body is (one) of the solution(s) but the majority of sentences are error-free.