This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
I haven’t seen you for a long time so lam very excited to meet you. I know that you are thinking of going on a camping holiday this summer for the first time. I am very happy about that and lam always ready to give you some advice
Camping holiday is a wonderful idea. Especially in this summer. I think that not only do you want to go camping holiday in summer but also a lot of people because that is the best time for people to enjoy the life after hard-working day. One of the most important reason why you should go camping is that you are able to see the views and meet a lot of people. That is a chance for you to understand more a lot of culture in our country which you have never known before. The other reason is that you can take part in some social activities which are very interesting On the other hand, going camping in the summer has a lot of disadvantages. In the first place, it will have negative impact on your skin so you have to wear hat before going camping outside. Secondly, it is for you to be ill because the weather in summer is quite hot do you have to prepare medicines before. I would also like to go camping with you this summer because my holiday in summer is very long so I hope that you can go on a camping holiday with me.
Hope to meet you soon
Your close friend
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The writer has addressed all three bullet points and organisation of the information is generally clear. There is some repetition (camping holiday] which could be avoided by using alternative words or phrases eg. this kind of holiday. The range of vocabulary is sufficient for the task and there is some good use of collocation [a wonderful idea the best time see the views | meet a lot of people understand more a lot of culture | take part in some social activities). There is a mix of simple and complex structures with a fair level of accuracy. Occasional errors occur (lam/ I am | Especially in this summer (sentence fragment) | One of the most important reason(s) it will have (a) negative impact on prepare medicines before / in advance], but the meaning is still clear.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.5 score.
The reason behind the rising popularity of the crime novels and TV dramas, lies with the fact that the reality transmitted in the show/book, is our own. I am from Rio de Janeiro, a beautiful place with horrible people, and we know that what soap operas show, is not our reality. Sometimes happy endings only happen in fairytales, which leads me to “Tropa de Elite” (Elite Squad, roughly translated) and why it was a phenomenon.
The movie shows our dark side, the drug dealers with machine guns, the dangerous environment of the favelas and the corruption in our police forces. It shows that there is nothing glamorous about being poor in Brazil (an idea that has been growing lately). And that? We relate. We know the truth, 2nd we want it to be seen and heard, even if it is a fiction vision of it.
this is where the fiction part enters. When we watch the brave policeman or the brilliant CSI save the day, it gives a slight comfort. We feel like someone can save us from our reality, someone can be our hero and get the job done. It is a rather gullible thought, but it is the truth. BOPE’s popularity (Rio de Janeiro’s elite police force) grew rapidly after the movie’s success.
want to feel heard and to be saved, and in a mix of reality and fantasy, these books and shows do that. I, for example, love them and even considered to be a police officer. But after careful consideration, i gave up the idea, for i think the world’s salvation lies behind a pen or inside a book, and not on the tip of a machine gun. But there is nothing wrong to daydream on our favorite shows.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This is a thoughtful response to the task and the writer explores both parts in some depth. The ideas are relevant, extended and well-supported. Information and ideas are logically organised and there is a clear progression throughout the answer. Paragraphing is handled well, with a clear central topic in each one. The range of vocabulary shows less common items [transmitted | phenomenon corruption glamorous salvation) and good use of collocations (rising popularity Soap operas dark side drug dealers save the day]. Errors in word formation are rare (fiction / fictional vision). There is a variety of complex structures, well-controlled for accuracy, with only rare errors (considered to be / being a police officer | nothing wrong to daydream/ in daydreaming). Punctuation is generally well-controlled, apart from some lack of capitalisation in the final paragraph.