This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
Dear Mr and Mrs Collins,
My name is Carola. I have seen your advertisement in a magazine and I’m writing to you because I would like to be considered for the position you are offering. I really would like to work for you because I think it will be a good experience for you and me. I like to travel, know about different cultures and meet new people. I have never been to Australia but I’m pretty sure there a lot of thing to see and try. I have previous experience looking after children. Currently I’m working for an Irish family and I take care of for children whose ages vary from three to eight. I have to say that I’ve never thought that looking after children would be that rewarding I enjoy spending time with them and I have learnt a lot. I’m really patient, tidy, reliable, and hard working.
In addition, I have just completed an first aids course.
If I had the chance to live with you would be great. I would spend my free time learning English, visiting turist attractions, trying local food and making new friends.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Please feel free to contact me if you need further details and recomendations.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
This answer presents a clear purpose with a consistent, appropriate tone. Each bullet point is clearly highlighted and covered, although there is room for some extension. Information and ideas are logically organised and cohesive devices are used appropriately. The range of vocabulary is sufficient to show some flexibility and precision, as well as use of collocation (the position you are offering | previous experience rewarding taking the time to read my letter | contact me further details). There are only occasional spelling errors (first aids turist / recomendations). There is a range of complex grammatical structures with frequent error-free sentences.
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
Nowadays millions of online shops are doing business and develope rapidly. The majority of traditional shops concern if they will bankrupt soon due to the fast growing online shopping. However some people argue that a great deal of shops can still survive.
Firstly, the online shops always offer a very competitive price in order to obtain more and more consumers. They can always provide attractive promotion and sell the products in bottom price because they do not have to pay the extra rental for the physical shops. For example, in my own country, the daily turn over of Tao Bao on line shop is about 10 million, which is an astonishing amount
Secondly, the people are keen on shopping on internet because it can save time. Especially the young generation are likely to browse the website of the shops at home in a comfortable atmosphere. They may flexibly select the goods that they like without the persuading from the shop staff. They can also compare the prices between various shops due to price – checking system.
However, some people said the traditional shops would still have their opportunities to retain their business. They suggest the owners of the chain stores or department stores can build up the online shops as well so 25 to maintain a stable business. Actually, there a lot of shops that have built up their online shops, such as the renowned sport shop Nike. All the shops should look for a correct manner to increase their business.
All in all, it is difficult to say that what is the advantage or disadvantage for online shopping. In my opinion, the owners of business should attain to check the trend of the business and quote a best price for keeping the purchasers.
Here is the examiner’s comment:
The candidate has covered all parts of the task but his/her position is not sufficiently clear for a higher band to be awarded. The response focuses on the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping, rather than on whether or not the writer agrees that this type of shopping will result in all shops in towns and cities closing. Organisation is logical, with appropriate use of cohesive devices and paragraphs and the range of vocabulary shows some less common items and use of collocation [fast growing competitive | keen on browse the website | price-checking system retain their business renowned). There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and the meaning is clear, in spite of some errors.